


Artemis Fowl and The Commission

by stace8383



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23077063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stace8383/pseuds/stace8383
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter One

The mail icon in Holly's visor flashed, and she sighed. Never a moment's peace. There was a human saying, she knew, 'No rest for the wicked,' and she wondered briefly what she could have done that was so bad. She'd just saved some idiot pixie's life; didn't that earn her some brownie points and a break? But then she saw that the mail was from Artemis, and it was red for 'urgent'. She pushed aside her exhaustion and irritation, told Foaly to give her a second, and opened it. She knew Foaly would read it too, of course; it was his idea of compensation for being snapped at and brushed aside, but she knew Artemis knew that too and wouldn't have sent anything the centaur shouldn't be seeing.   
The email was only one line:  
People at risk; must see you and Foaly at Fowl Manor ASAP.   
Her blood ran cold, and in her earpiece the centaur crowed: 'The Mud Boy needs me!'  
'He needs you above ground,' Holly pointed out. 'It must be serious.'   
Foaly stopped crowing. 'I hate when it's serious.'  
Holly nodded, remembering the last time an email from Artemis had peremptorily summoned her to the Manor. A fake case of spelltropy, lies, time travel, confused emotions and loyalties, and at the bottom of it all, Opal Koboi. Surely it couldn't be Opal again?  
'No way,' said Foaly, and Holly realised she'd murmured the pixie's name aloud.   
'No way,' she agreed. 'How soon can we get there?' she asked.   
'Depends if we clue in Kelp or fly under the radar,' Foaly pointed out.   
'Kelp's hated Artemis less since he saved our entire civilisation. Again.'  
'Less isn't none.'  
'True. Better keep it on the down low.'  
'On the down low?' Foaly repeated incredulously. 'Been watching mud people television again?'  
Holly flushed, and let it pass. 'E1,' she said, 'Meet me there and we'll head to the surface together. Tell Kelp something at the shuttle port is broken and you need to fix it or something.'  
Foaly snorted. 'My tech does not break,' he said, wounded at the very thought.   
'Just come up with something.'

Foaly came up with something - some nanotech he'd been working on could do with a trial run, and Tara would do as well as anywhere - and before long he was awkwardly harnessed in a seat not built for centaurs, while Holly expertly piloted them to the surface.  
‘This shuttle was not designed for centaurs,’ he grumbled.  
‘It was designed by one,’ Holly pointed out.   
‘The hallmark of a good designer is being able to put yourself into other people’s shoes,’ Foaly declared. ‘Which isn’t easy when you’ve got twice as many of them as your target audience.’   
Even Holly had to admit that was fair, but she'd never actually tell Foaly he had a point. He could do his own ego-stroking, and was well-practiced in that art. 

Within a couple of hours they were parking the shuttle in the Fowl garage, Holly taking extra care not to get too close to the Bentley. Concentrating on the flight, and then the parking, had kept her mind off whatever disaster Artemis was about to tell them about, but dread lurked in the back of her mind, and now that they'd arrived she felt it threaten to overwhelm her. Couldn't the world just stay saved, this once? She caught a glimpse of Myles and Beckett dragging Juliet away from the house, and guessed that Artemis had instructed the young woman to keep them distracted. She'd be fuming at being excluded, Holly knew, but she briefly wished her own part in things was as simple as babysitting the twins. Juliet didn't know how lucky she was.   
Butler had come to meet them, and he nodded approvingly at the distance between the Bentley and the fairy shuttle. 'Thanks for coming so quickly,' he said. 'Come upstairs, Artemis is in his study.'  
'What, no "Hi Holly, good to see you, let's check out the latest hardware"?' Holly trotted after the huge Eurasian, leaving Foaly to catch up once he'd disentangled himself from the harness.   
'It is good to see you,' Butler said over his shoulder, 'but the shop talk will have to wait.'  
This isn't good, Holly thought, but she didn't speak, saving her breath. 

Upstairs, Artemis sat behind his desk peering at his laptop. He glanced up as Holly entered behind Butler, trailed a few seconds later by Foaly. ‘I’m glad you could come.’ The sentence was brief, but there was real relief in his voice. Holly looked into his face, concerned.  
‘When was the last time you slept, Artemis?’ she asked.   
‘I could ask you the same,’ he rejoined dryly, taking in her red-rimmed eyes and probably hoping Holly wouldn’t notice that he hadn’t actually answered the question. She did notice, but chose to overlook it this once.   
‘What’s the situation?’   
Artemis looked at Foaly. ‘Even you don’t have information on these people. They’re called The Commission, and they’re trying to make Opal’s last plan a reality.’


	2. Chapter Two

Foaly might have been gratified by the ‘even you’ part, but he was too busy being terrified by the rest of Artemis’ assertion.   
‘What do you mean, make it reality? We stopped it. It’s over, Artemis.’ Was he okay, Holly wondered? It wasn’t so very long since he’d been dead, after all, perhaps it had done something to his mind.   
Foaly was less subtle. ‘Did your IQ take a hit, Mud boy? Being dead can do that.’   
Artemis frowned. ‘Apparently I am not the one suffering the IQ deficiency. I know time travel isn’t common, but you can’t have forgotten that it’s possible. Especially having done it yourself.’ This last was addressed to Holly.   
‘These are fairies?’ Holly asked, aghast. ‘Warlocks?’  
‘No. Humans, with time travel technology.’   
‘But that’s not possible,’ Foaly objected. ‘According to my projections, humans won’t have time travel technology for decades, maybe centuries!’   
It wasn’t often that Artemis got the chance to tell Foaly he was just plain wrong, but the magnitude of the problem meant he couldn’t enjoy it in the slightest. ‘These people have,’ he said simply.   
There was a brief silence as Foaly and Holly digested this information.   
‘And they want Opal to kill humanity?’ Holly asked finally.   
‘They see their mission as being to ensure that certain things happen. Things which, according to them, were meant to happen. This isn’t the only apocalyptic-style event they’ve been involved in trying to bring about.’   
‘So how do we stop them?’  
‘More time travel,’ Foaly answered, cutting Artemis off before he could launch into a far longer explanation saying the exact same thing.   
‘More time travel,’ Artemis confirmed, nodding. ‘And a man on the inside.’ He smiled, pulling off the vampiric look despite his stress and exhaustion. ‘Or rather, a boy.’   
Holly stared at him. ‘You’re not going to try going undercover?’   
Butler almost laughed. ‘He can manage acting the belligerent teenager, but this particular boy on the inside is fifty-eight.’   
Holly was confused, but Foaly just rolled his eyes. ‘Time travel.’   
‘Is Number One still on the moon?’ Butler asked.  
‘Yes, his mission got extended.’  
‘Good; it might have gotten confusing otherwise.’  
‘Confusing?’ Holly thought Number One’s absence might have been more of a negative, given his time-travel abilities.   
‘Our boy on the inside’s name is Number Five,’ Butler said with a grin.   
‘Oh. A human’s parents called him…?’  
‘It’s somewhat more complicated than that,’ Artemis interjected, ‘but his history, for the moment, is irrelevant. His abilities are what we need. Five can travel in both time and space.’   
‘Like a TARDIS,’ said Foaly.  
‘Who’s been watching mud man television now?’ Holly ribbed him.  
‘Doctor Who transcends species.’  
‘Can we,’ Artemis said testily, ‘stay on task. Number Five should be arriving shortly.’  
‘This isn’t another Atlantis Complex thing, is it, Artemis? Number Five?’  
Artemis sighed. ‘I appreciate your concern, Holly, but I promise I’m fine. It’s just his name.’ He tapped the desk four times, then held up four fingers. ‘See? Four is no problem for me.’   
‘Four’s his brother,’ Butler added. ‘As I understand it, he’s a problem for everyone else. But he’s nothing to do with us.’   
Now it was Holly’s turn to roll her eyes. ‘Let me guess. They’ve got a sister called Three, too.’  
‘Yes, actually,’ said Artemis, ‘and she might also turn out to be useful in this humanity-saving endeavour.’  
At that moment, right beside Butler - who, fortunately, knew what to expect and therefore did not reach for his Sig Sauer - a blue-rimmed hole appeared in space, and a slim dark-haired teenager in a suit emerged from it before it vanished as quickly as it had come.   
‘Ah, Number Five, our time traveler, right on time,’ Artemis smiled at his own little joke.   
The boy did not smile back. ‘This was too important to miss,’ he said, ‘so I got Dolores to look over the calculations.’


	3. Chapter Three

‘I’m currently working on stopping two apocalypses,’ Number Five continued. ‘The Commission wants the world to end. There isn’t time for jokes.’  
‘We’re dealing with time travel,’ Foaly pointed out, ‘there’s time for anything.’ The glare the boy gave him was withering; he was apparently not at all bothered to see a centaur in the flesh, and Holly could well believe there was a fifty-eight year old behind that early-teenage exterior.  
‘So who are these people, and why are they so keen on killing everyone?’ Holly asked.  
‘I don’t know,’ Five admitted. ‘The Temps Commission exists to maintain the integrity of the space-time continuum. They believe the world is supposed to end. I’ve never found out where their information comes from. It doesn’t matter; I’m going to stop them.’  
‘How?’ Butler asked. He had been fully apprised of the situation, but solutions were so far lacking. He needed practicalities.  
Artemis was the one to reply. ‘Between myself, Foaly, and Number Five, we should be able to formulate a comprehensive plan within the next two hours.’  
‘Three brains and two brawn,’ the bodyguard observed, to Holly’s irritation - she felt herself to be in possession of a very good brain, and had always felt that Butler’s own intelligence often went underrated too.  
‘This one’s a pretty big catastrophe, Artemis,’ Holly couldn’t help pointing out, although everybody in the room knew it. ‘Two apocalypses.’  
‘I know the Commission’s plan,’ Number Five said. ‘I am part of the Commission’s plan. So we’re ahead by one double-agent. They don’t know that anybody has the will or capacity to act against them, so they won’t be prepared. I have also made sure that they remain unaware of my sister’s ability.’  
‘Number Three?’ blurted Holly, who hadn’t really believed she existed.  
‘She prefers to be called Allison.’  
‘What is her ability?’ Butler asked. He would need to know, to accommodate it into any plan of attack.  
Five gave an almost predatory grin. ‘She makes people believe things.’  
‘She’s a good liar?’ Foaly asked incredulously. ‘Artemis can do that.’  
‘No, you moron,’ Five replied, and Holly laid a hand on the centaur’s shoulder to restrain him, simultaneously shooting a warning glance at Artemis. But Artemis seemed to have taken Foaly’s comment as his due, and simply nodded. Five continued: ‘She literally makes people believe things. She speaks, and their reality changes.’  
‘Handy,’ Butler commented.  
‘Very,’ agreed Artemis. 

Artemis banished everybody except Five from his study. Five didn’t question this, apparently also accustomed to keeping people in the dark.  
‘Time travel,’ he told Artemis, ‘can be a crap shoot. This won’t be easy.’  
Artemis nodded. Even with magic his own time journeys had been somewhat less than accurate. ‘If it were easy,’ he said, ‘you wouldn’t need me.’  
‘What’s with the name?’ Five asked. ‘The hunter?’  
Artemis smiled thinly, rather tired of being asked about his name. ‘A number?’ he asked pointedly in return, and Five had to concede he had a point. ‘Now, shall we get to business?’ It was not really a question, and Five nodded once and sat down at the desk opposite Artemis. 

Butler, Holly, and Foaly sat round the dining table snacking on an avocado and mango salad Butler had whipped up. ‘We’ve got time for shop talk now,’ the bodyguard observed. ‘Those two will be plotting for a while.’  
Holly grinned, glad for the distraction. She took a tiny weapon from a pocket in her jumpsuit and handed it to Butler. It looked like a toy in his huge hand.  
‘Neutrino Mini,’ Foaly said.  
‘You know there are other words?’  
‘Ha ha, mudman. It’s because they’re nuclear powered, get it?’  
Butler examined the tiny gun. ‘So what’s special about this one, apart from being the right size for Barbie?’  
‘Well, that’s it, really,’ Holly said.  
Foaly snorted. ‘That’s it? Do you know how hard it is to jam all that technology and power into something that size?’  
‘It’s easily concealed, too,’ Holly conceded. ‘One of my trainees had a dwarf try to disarm her recently, but he didn’t realise she had this tucked in her boot. She had him stunned and trussed up in no time.’ There was no small amount of pride in her voice; Holly’s trainees, every one a woman, were making a very good name for themselves in the LEP.  
‘How’s Mulch doing?’ Butler asked at the mention of the species.  
Foaly snorted again, and Holly laughed. ‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.’  
‘Try me.’  
‘He’s heading up a new troll-riding division for the LEP.’  
‘You’re right,’ Butler said. ‘I don’t believe you.’ It took the two fairies several minutes to convince him that Mulch had indeed returned to the law-abiding (well, mostly, when nobody was watching) side and was working with the troll Gruff to revive the centuries-old tradition. By the time the big man believed them, Artemis and Five were descending the oak staircase with grimly determined expressions.  
‘Plan concocted?’ Holly asked.  
‘Plan concocted,’ Artemis confirmed.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a very short chapter, I just wanted to get this little bit published before I go to bed!

'They're going after the clone,' Five said. 'So our mission is to save Nopal.' 

Holly nodded. Nopal had been vital to their victory over Opal, so it made sense to try to eliminate her.

'When?' asked Butler, getting straight to the point. 

'Shortly before Artemis asks you,' Five nodded at Foaly, 'to send her. The last possible moment.'

'So we won't have time to come up with another plan,' Holly observed. 'Or didn't, or wouldn't have.' When it came to time travel, tenses were tricky. 

'Exactly,' said Artemis. 

Holly wondered briefly if it might be better to let the Temps Commission succeed and force the Artemis of the past into a different course of action; their triumph the first time around had come at a terrible cost. That six months when her best friend had been dead had been among the bleakest of her life, alongside her mother's death so many years before. But she knew, at least, that eventually everything turned out okay - eventually. Who knew how much worse it could be without Nopal? She nodded slowly, and Artemis put a hand on her shoulder as if he knew exactly what had crossed her mind. He probably did. 

'Will they be attempting an assassination or a kidnapping?' Butler asked.

'Assassination,' Five answered. 'They're sending their two best agents.' His vampiric grin was almost as disconcerting as Artemis'. 'A woman called Cha-Cha, and, obviously, me.'


End file.
